I attended the United States International University (USIU) freshmen parents' orientation at the beginning of this month. They are on another level. In the evening, we sat in groups to discuss various issues that might arise with the students during their time while studying there. I was the one leading the conversation in our group, and the questions we got were close to my heart. The first one was [Your son has made a girl pregnant, what do you do?], the second one was [Your daughter is pregnant, what do you do?] I got generic answers at first, with most parents saying they would call a meeting with the other parents to discuss a way forward. There was a dad who said he would ask his daughter what she wanted to do. I couldn't help laughing at these because they are very far from reality. I had to bring the scenario home by sharing my own experience, having discovered I was expectant 20 days into enrolling at Murang'a University (shoutout to alumni and current students). This time, I got relatable responses like a mother saying she would not want to see the guy who impregnated her daughter, but would embrace her.
During the presentations, I got the opportunity to be the last one to speak, which is what I wanted because most groups were reading out long AI-generated scripts while my approach was to capture the audience and have an authentic conversation. I opened with "How many of us here, by show of hands, met their current spouse/partner at the university?" There was silence; I had them. A few hands went up. I said, "Why don't you want the same for your kids? Meaning, were it not for that, they wouldn't be enrolling at USIU, and you wouldn't be seated here. Double standards, am I right?". There was some laughter. I introduced myself, Cynthia Odhiambo, Founder & CEO of Remote Gains. My group had two related questions. I read them out, then told them the kinds of responses I got, and then shared my experience.
20 days into an orientation session such as this one, I had missed my period, and my roommate, who was a scout, gave me a testing kit. I took the test and I was pregnant. Now that I am writing this, I realize that it's exactly 10 years since that test (Sept 20, 2015). Later, my roommate asked how it had gone, and I told her I had passed. They laughed. I did not tell my parents until I was almost due, but by the time my mom had already known, because when I went home, I'd ask questions about kids and play with the neighbour's child. When I told my dad, he lectured me for more than an hour. I cried a lot. I think that pressure is what made me give birth the next day (Labour Day, May 1, 2016) after speaking to him.
I delivered 5 days after my first-year exams, when we had a 3-month break (long holiday). Some say I had it planned, but that's not the case. I had time to recuperate, and when we resumed, I went back with my child. I would take her to the daycare while I attended classes. At lunchtime, I would go to breastfeed and then return to class. I was living in a bedsitter (studio) in Murang’a town. I had moved out of the hostels during the second trimester because I needed space - my mom wasn’t aware. I raised my daughter throughout the 4 years at university because I did not want to lose out on the relationship I wanted to have with her long after completing my studies. I wanted her to call me mom. I had told my mother that I am not leaving my child with her. I wanted to be responsible for her.
My daughter became my anchor; I did not have time for anything other than her and my studies. In a way, having her cushioned me from a lot, and I had to grow up fast. I told these parents that by the end of the 4 years, some of them would be grandparents, but that isn’t entirely a bad thing. There are many changes in our society today, and platonic relationships are common; bashing children for having friends of the opposite sex is not healthy. My boyfriend was not someone I had met at university; we had dated while I was at home. I told them that their kids were already dating, the only thing that would happen is they might have to dump their partners for new ones, since they are now in USIU and there is a fresh market, or long-distance relationships with their current partners might be challenging. They were horrified, one of them said, “God forbid!”.
I did not want to get married that early at 22; I wanted to finish my studies. I graduated in 2019 with two degrees - Human Resources and my daughter. They laughed. I received a round of applause, and I am happy I opened their minds to the realization that it might not be so bad.
Notice how the boychild is left out in this conversation? What do you think the role of the boy who impregnates a girl is? Because society mostly blames the girl, yet it was a team effort. Let’s talk about this now common occurrence in our society.